Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
