I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
