Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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