i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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