He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
