May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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