Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
