He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
