This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
