I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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