I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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