How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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