that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
