I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
