At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
