the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
either way he was missing a nipple.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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