Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
