My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
