I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
handjob tips. give me some.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
