I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I didn't notice because vodka
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
