Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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