the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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