Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just googled if crying burns calories
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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