at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
