On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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