i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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