so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
