She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
