We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
