I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
