Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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