I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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