Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
