is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
