she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
