scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
