he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm passing your future prison.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
