hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
