So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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