Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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