i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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