I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
