I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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