I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have grass duct taped all over my body
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
