2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If that was your dad, he is hot
false alarm. still invincible.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
