I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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