She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
