you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
