i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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