nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
