WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
