I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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