Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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