Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize