yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
