You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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