While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
