would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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