TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
