I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
