If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
