I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
