Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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