Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have aggressive nipples.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
