Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
