Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
