I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
