there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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