so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
