Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
